After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i out mim tonsoeep
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
