plz talk dirty to me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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