Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
