woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
