did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
