She said her name was "party"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
