I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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