sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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