Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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