do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
