3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
