I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
