Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
