I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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