Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
