I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
