I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
