have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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