I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
