Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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