Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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