If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
