That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
