I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
someone owes me an orgasm
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
