I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
