If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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