I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I understand Curling. That high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
