I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
