Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
