Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
