I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
