how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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