I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
