So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
