and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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