put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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