Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
