he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
