I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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