in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
