Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
