It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
