I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
