I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
