We're like a lot better than the average bears
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
