I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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