The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
