I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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