I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
