She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
