my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
